Creativity Pot: 2013

A mother holding the hand of a child as they try to escape in their drooping burnt clothes and skins. I was holding my mother’s hand, walking on a beige carpet and looking at these showcases of burnt objects and figures and smoky monochrome pictures. I also remember a model showing a red ball about to drop above a city. Those images remain as a flashback. My parents took me to the Hiroshima War Memorial Museum on a family trip along with my older brothers when I was three years old.

Every New Year, my father used to take us to a famous shrine in my city Kobe to pray for the family’s health and fortune. When I was five, my parents took me there in the evening. The stone pavement was adorned with stalls of food and games and packed with people in puffy winter coats. I was wrapped in a red petticoat and held by my father. My mother was standing near by. I was looking around watching waves of heads bob up and down and turn side to side. The sounds of clinking coins thrown into offering boxes, ringing bells and clapping hands echoed from the main hall ahead of the queue we were in. When we moved a step forward entering the hall, I heard a man screaming, ‘Get off me. Let me go.’
I looked around to meet the scene where a handcuffed middle-aged man in a white jumper and chino pants, kicking and screaming was being forced to the ground by police officers.
Then my father jerked my head around and said, ‘Don’t look.’ He and my mother said nothing more and they just looked on.

In my house, we had two Japanese styled rooms with tatami mats. One for my parents and one for my granddad where I used to spend my day almost every day with him. He had a Shinto altar above the entrance and a Buddhist altar at the back of his smoky room.
One day as usual I was in the smoky room with my granddad while my older brothers were out playing with other boys outside. At noon, we were watching a TV show with a presenter who always wore black sunglasses and a suit. As the show started, my granddad pulled his bow-legs. Saying ‘Oopsy-daisy’, he stood up and staggered across to his brown leather chair for a fag which he told me was good for health. Puffing his Mild Seven, he said as he always did, ‘Argh, I can’t stand this man. He gets on my nerves. How can you watch him every day?’
I was lying on the tatami mat with the telly in front of me. After the show, there was our favourite TV drama about a famous collage painter Tatsuro Yamashita who wandered across Japan with a backpack. He didn't reveal who he was until he left his panting as a token of thanks to people who let him stay. As the theme song started, my granddad and I sang along. When the show finished, my granddad asked me, ‘I need to go to a post office. Do you wanna come? We can pop by the toy shop for you.’
‘I’ll come, I’ll come,’ I replied in excitement.
We left our house on his bicycle. Because my granddad’s bow-legs didn’t allow him to walk fast, let alone run, he rode around on his bicycle and I sat behind him. When we got to my toyshop, I dashed to a shelf of stuffed dogs. I always wanted a pet but my father didn’t want a pet other than gold fish. Among the stuffed dogs, I picked up the fluffiest stuffed husky about the size of a puppy. It had beautiful marble hair of black and white, and piercing blue eyes.
Gazing into its eyes, I stroked its back and wiggled its legs. ‘He’s so cute,’ I said.
My granddad didn't want to be the one who broke the charm. So he said, 'do you want him?'
'Yes,' I said with a vigorous nod.
'Okay. I will get it for you if you can keep it a secret from your father.'
'I can do that.'
I carried him in my arm until I had to put him in the bicycle basket on our way home. I held on to my granddad tightly. Coming up to the hill leading to our house, my granddad stopped and I got off the bicycle.
‘Okay, do you wanna push it today? It’s your usual training. It will make your legs stronger.’ The P.E. teacher in my granddad said.
‘Yes, granddad.’ I went around the back of the bicycle. ‘Let’s go.’
I started to push the bicycle up the hill with my granddad on it until we reached home. Taking out the doll from the basket, my granddad awarded it to me. Saying 'thank you', I ran upstairs and presented the doll to my mother in the kitchen. 'Look. He's so cute, isn't he? Granddad got it for me.' I said, hugging the doll.
‘Hmmm. He is cute.’ My mother said in a tone expecting something bad.
I went upstairs to my granddad's room with the doll and sat on the tatami mat. My granddad was sitting down in the leather chair for a smoke. Wiggling the legs of the doll and gazing into him, I asked my granddad, 'Granddad, I think he needs a name. Why don't you name him?'
'Alright. Hmm. What could it be? Ah! We just had the Barcelona Olympics. So Barce or Lona or Balo?'
'Oh, Balo is a good name for him. We will call him Balo then.'
We spent the rest of the day playing with Balo while my granddad watched Sumo wrestling from the corner of his eye.
When it got dark outside, a car pulled up.
My granddad said, 'it may be your father. You should leave the room now. Hurry.'
I grabbed Balo and hurried downstairs where I caught my father in a suit coming into the house. 'Welcome back, Father.'
'Thanks.' I saw his eyes fall on to Balo. 'What’s that? How did you get it?'
'Umm, this? This…was given to me....'
'By?'
'By...by granddad.'
My father's face got more emotionless if that was possible and he said, 'That's it.' He walked past me and stomped straight into my granddad's room. 'What did I tell you about buying stuff for children? How many times do I have to tell you? Don't mess with me. I have my own way of raising children.'
'I know. I know.' My granddad said in surrender.
'No, you don't. Just leave it alone. Don't spoil them.' He stormed downstairs and yelled at me in the kitchen in front of my mother. 'Don't let your granddad buy you things. And as I told you before, don't go to granddad's room to play.'
I just shrugged and held on to Balo. My father turned around and started shouting at my mother in the kitchen. ‘It’s your fault that your children are getting spoilt. They are your responsibility. You can’t even keep an eye on your child. Other wives are doing their jobs. There is no excuse that you can’t. Do a better job.’ He slammed the door behind him and stomped upstairs to get changed.
My mother talked to the vegetables she stirred vigorously in the frying pan, ‘I always get the blame whatever I do or don’t do. It’s been so hard for me. Your father is not an understanding person. I’ve had it enough.’ She turned around and said to me, ‘When your eldest brother becomes eighteen, I am going to leave the house. I have made up my mind.’
‘What about me?’ I asked.
She looked away and kept stirring the vegetables while she mumbled on. I stood there with Balo in my arm, wondering what she meant.

On the first day at junior high school, I felt awkward wearing a uniform. A dark green tartan skirt, a navy blazer, a sky-blue clip-on tie, a white shirt, white trainers, and white socks folded down to the ankles. I was surrounded by a uniformity of figures and unfamiliar faces. In our year, we had five classes with forty students in each class. I found out that I was in class 1-2. I reached my classroom with a crumpled orientation guide in my hand. There was a whiff of its newly oiled floor. I found an instruction written on the blackboard, ‘Find your desk with your student number on it.’
Student numbers were arranged in the Japanese alphabetical order of surnames. While my head waltzed from left, right, the paper in my hand, looking for my desk, I gave a nervous smile to classmates when our eyes met. With my initial ‘M’, my desk was at the back of the room along the windows in the middle of a row. Not to make a dragging noise, I lifted my chair and sat at its edge. While I was taking in my surroundings, a classmate sat behind me. I turned around and popped my head up with my hands on the back of my chair like a dog ready to be petted. I gave her a polite smile. She was around my height, five foot three, with a small round face. She returned a smile with dimples on her face.
I said in honorifics, ‘We seem to be neighbours.’
With a pleasant smile, she also replied in honorifics. ‘It does seem so indeed.’
‘I am feeling nervous.’
‘Me too.’
‘It feels so different from primary school. It feels…more mature.’
‘Yes. I understand exactly what you mean.’
‘I’m Kaori Matsuda. Nice to meet you.’ I bowed lightly.
‘I’m Ema Manabe. Nice to meet you.’ She bowed back.
‘Have you given a thought to which club you are going to join?’
‘Yes. I want to join the tennis club. What about you, Maeda-san?’
‘I am also interested in the tennis club.’
‘Is that so? We can visit it after school together if you like.’
‘Yes, please.’ My smile was in its full boom.
Within the next days, we established our friendship of Kao-chan and Ema-chan with the endearment instead of the honorific ‘san’ and exchanged phone numbers. In the first week, she invited me to her house.
‘Why don’t you come over after school tomorrow and we can study together?’
‘That sounds great. I’d love to.’
‘Great. I’m afraid it will be a bit of a walk to my house, like an hour. Would that be okay with you?’
‘Sure. No problem.’
‘I could ask my mum to pick us up but she might be busy.’
‘Don’t worry. I love walking.’
The next day after school, Ema and I walked up and down hills along a foot of a mountain, walking through her past where her previous flat and primary school were. When we passed by high school students in uniform with short skirts, brown hair and loose socks, we talked about what kind of high school students we wanted to be.
‘Kao-chan, do you want to be like them in high school?’ Ema asked.
‘Yes. Firstly I want to get a Prada backpack and a Louis Vuitton wallet.’
‘Ah, indeed.’ Ema giggled.
‘Then, I will cut my skirt short, dye my hair brown and pierce my ears.’
‘Really?’ She questioned in disbelief. ‘You wanna pierce your ears? I hate, I HATE people with pierced ears.’
‘Why? A lot of people pierce their ears for fashion.’
‘I know but to me they still look like gangsters. I don’t want to be friends with those punks. I can’t stand them. If you ever pierced your ears, I will end our friendship,’ she said with a smile.
As we walked on, we approached her town. It was in a developing area with newly paved roads, newly built flats and spacious houses among empty lands. Ema pointed to a pink house which looked like a modern Christian church, too big for a house of four and a dog. At the entrance, she entered a security code to unlock the gate. I had never entered such a big house before.
When we entered her house, her mother welcomed us in. ‘Hello. You must be Kao-chan. Welcome.’
‘Hello. Nice to meet you. Thank you for having me.’ I bowed lightly.
‘It must been quite tiring to get here. Please make yourself comfortable.’
‘Thank you so much.’ I bowed.
Ema interrupted. ‘Mum, that’s enough. Shoo, shoo.’
‘What? I am just saying hello to your friend. That’s rude to shoo your mother. Don’t you think?’ Ema’s mother looked at me for support.
I just smiled nervously.
Ema said to her mother, ‘Did you get us the cakes from the shop?’
‘Yes, I did.’
‘Good. Please bring tea and cakes to my room. Let’s go upstairs, Kao-chan.’
We walked upstairs through the hallway where we could play volleyball. When Ema’s room spread before me, I experienced the world of the spoilt. Her room was the size of a spacious studio flat with a waterbed, her own phone and a TV.
‘Please sit down.’ Ema offered me to sit at the table on the floor.
I started to spread my textbooks and stationaries when her mother came in to bring tea and cakes on a tray. I turned around and said, ‘Oh, thank you so much.’
‘My pleasure. Please make yourself at home,’ her mother said, placing plates from the tray.
‘Thanks mum, now bye mum.’ Ema brushed her off. ‘Please, help yourself. Sorry it is not anything expensive.’
‘Oh, no no, don’t be. Thank you so much for all this.’
When we were eating, somebody arrived.
‘Hello.’ A young man called out from downstairs.
Ema said, ‘Ah, my brother came home.’
I became more nervous as his footsteps approached Ema’s room. He knocked and opened the door. Ema and I looked up.
‘Hello. You must be Kao-chan. Welcome,’ he said.
‘Nice to meet you,’ I said, bowing lightly with my fork in my hand.
Ema looked over to him and said, ‘Do you mind? This is my friend. Shoo. Get out.’
Ema’s brother asked, ‘Do you have a boyfriend, Kao-chan?’
Ema shouted, ‘Hey, come on. Get out now!’
‘Alright, alright.’ Ema’s brother put his hands in the air and left the room.
‘I am sorry. My family gets excited when I bring my friends over.’
‘No, that’s cool. They are so nice. My brothers don’t come into my room to say hello to my friends or they don’t come into my room at all.’
‘Really? Don’t you hang out?’
‘No. We hardly see each other at home. I don’t know what they are up to.’
‘Interesting. My brother always bothers me.’
‘That’s nice that you two are close.’
In time classmates started to see us as an inseparable duo. When I said hello to a classmate, she would ask me, ‘Hey. Where is Ema?’ I became hers. We were classmates and tennis club members. There was a classmate Momo who was also a tennis club member. She was slightly taller than us and skinny with long hair usually tied in a ponytail which made her look like a tired mother who didn’t have time to care about her appearance. Ema called her by her surname Koike as everybody did in their primary school. I heard them being cruel to her, verbally assaulting, ‘You make me feel sick. Go away.’ ‘You are gross.’ But Momo never stopped laughing and she would say something back to them. ‘I’m sorry I make you feel sick. I wish I could blame my parents for making me look like this.’ When I first met Momo, her impression was indeed weird and overwhelming.
She said, ‘I am Momoko Koike. Everybody calls me by my surname. You can call me anything you want. You can call me by my surname. Don’t worry I won’t think you are being rude. I am used to it now. Or you can call me Momo or whatever you want. I don’t care. My dad calls me pig maybe because I have this weird nose. If you wanna call me pig, I don’t care. Call me whatever you want. Okay?’
I felt sorry for her being treated unfairly. So I started to call her Momo. One day, a group of us including Ema, Momo and me were talking about our favorite comics during a break.
I said to them, ‘My favorite comic was Marmalade Boy.’
They nodded and I received ‘oh, yes’ and ‘ahh’.
Momo said, ‘Have you read new stuff by the same artist?’
‘No.’ I said.
‘Oh, you would like them. I have them at home. I can lend them to you if you like?’
‘Really? That’d be great. Thank you, Momo.’
The next day, she lent me those comics. I took them home and read them. When I returned borrowed items, I tended to write a thank-you note. When I finished the comics, I wrote one for Momo. I put it in a bag with the comics and handed them over to Momo at school. Later that day, she came over to me and gave me a reply.
‘Oh, you wrote me a letter? That’s sweet, thank you, Momo. I will write you a reply too.’ I said to her, holding the letter she gave me close to my heart.
When Ema saw me and Momo talking just the two of us, she confronted me afterwards. 'What were you and Koike talking about? You know, Kao-chan, you shouldn't be so nice to her. She will start following you like goldfish's poo. She gets more annoying. I don't want her following us around.'
'Momo isn't that bad at all. She is actually quite nice.' I tried to talk sense into Ema.
'No. I don't allow it. I don't want you being nice to her. You are my friend. So don't be so nice to Koike. Okay?'
'Hmmm, we will see.'
Another day, a group of us were talking about our tennis club during a break. While Momo was talking, I noticed Ema glaring at her.
'Coach told me that I was hopeless. He was amazed how bad I was,' Momo said with a laugh.
Ema said, 'You should just be a ballgirl. You will be perfect for it.'
Everybody laughed except me.
Later that day, when Momo and I were alone, she said, 'Ema seemed to be mad at me for being friendly to you. I can feel her icy stare.'
'Don't worry about it,' I assured her. But we started sneaking around to have a chat by making sure that Ema was not around. We were still exchanging letters subtly by handing them over in passing with a minimum exchange of words.
One day, I was reading one of the letters she gave me inside my desk drawer.

Hello Kao-chan,
How was your evening? Mine was pretty bad. My father was in a mood. He kicked me in front of my younger sisters. I am so sick of it. But I am so scared of my father so I just have to put up with it. Argh. Sorry to share such a depressing story. (^^;) I just wanted to tell somebody. Sorry :p
I am looking forward to releasing my anger at tennis later on.
See you.
Momo

The heart-wrenching story made me frown during the class. I didn’t understand why a father would do that kind of thing to his daughter. I was full of questions. I could not wait for the class to end so that I could dash over to her. After staring at the clock above the blackboard, as the bell rang, I slammed the textbooks and went over to Momo.
'Momo.’ I called out with a frown.
‘Kao-chan.’ She replied back with a smile.
‘I read the letter. Are you okay?’
She switched off her smile and pursed her lips. 'I'm okay. Thanks for asking. You are so kind,' Momo replied weakly.
'Why does your father do that to you?’
‘He is always stressed and short-tempered.’
‘Is it because he is stressed from work?’
‘Yeah, probably. He is always stressed and he takes it out on me.’
‘What does your father do for living?'
'My father is a doctor.'
'Oh wow. A doctor, huh? But he is very....' I circled the air with my hand in search of a word meaning 'violent' or 'abusive' but not either of them.
'I know, right?’ Momo laughed.
'I thought doctors try to take care of wounds, not make them,' I said jokingly while trying to gauge her feelings.
She laughed. ‘It's so ironic.’ She became serious and said, ‘But please don't tell anybody about this because it is embarrassing, you know.'
'Of course. I won't tell anybody. But you can tell me anything. Anytime you want to talk about anything. Okay?'
Momo pursed her lips again and said, 'Thanks Kao-chan.'

Another morning, Momo called out with a smile. 'Good morning, Kao-chan.' When I settled my eyes on her face, I noticed a bruise around her eye.
'Momo, what happened to your eye?'
Momo didn’t put away her smile. 'Ah, this? You know, my father. He was in a mood again, you know. He punched me.'
'He punched you?’ It made me frown. I shook my head. ‘Unbelievable. Too terrible. How could he? Wasn’t there anybody around?'
'Yes. My mother was around but you know, if she said anything, she would be in trouble too.'
'Momo, I'm so sorry to hear that. I wish there was something I can do.'
Momo was still smiling. 'It's okay. I am used to it.'
Later on, when a group of us were talking, Ema asked Momo, pointing to her bruise around her eye. 'What's that?'
Momo responded with a laugh. 'Ah, this? My father punched me.'
Ema snorted with laughter. 'Your father is crazy. But that's why you are weird.'
Momo and others laughed.
I turned to Ema and said, 'Ema, that is a bit harsh, you know.'
Ema said, 'You don't have to defend her. She can take it.'
I looked at Momo. Momo and I both pursed our lips and consoled each other with our eyes.
One day during a break, Momo was sharing a story. 'Yesterday I was having a bath. After I washed my hair, I noticed a chunk of black thing down the drainage. Thinking to myself what the hell it was, I had a closer look. Then I found out that it was a chunk of my hair.’
I interrupted, 'You know what though, Momo. You have long hair. So it looks as if you lost a lot of hair. But it wasn’t actually that much?'
'I know. But I was so worried.' Momo laughed.
Others snorted and said, ‘You are stupid.’
Later in the week, Momo was talking to a group of us. 'As I suspected, I am losing my hair.'
They laughed.
A classmate said, 'Are you going bald now? That'd be so funny.'
Momo protested, laughing. 'No. Seriously though, I am going bald.'
'How do you know?' I asked her.
'After I comb my hair, I get a lump of hair on it. Now watch this.’ She combed her hair with her fingers. ‘Look.’ She showed a tuft of hair in her hand.
They said, ‘Gross.’
Ema said, ‘Get that thing away from me. Eww.’
Momo laughed. I remained quiet with a frown.
Momo continued, ‘Can you see?’ she turned around, ‘here.’ She flipped a handful of hair up and pointed to a bald patch near the top of her head.
I gasped in astonishment.
They laughed.
A classmate said, ‘You are really going bald. Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!’
They started to chant.
Momo did not stop laughing while she protested. ‘Stop it.’
I cut in, widening my eyes in disbelief, ‘Hey, guys, stop. It’s not funny. Come on. This is serious. Don’t you feel sorry for her at all?’
Momo interrupted with a smile, ‘Kao-chan. It’s okay.’
Others kept laughing, calling her ‘more gross.’
Momo and I looked at each other pursing our lips in surrender.
One day at school, when a bell rang after a class, I went straight to Momo. After a few minutes of banter, I went over to Ema. She glared at me.
‘Ema-chan. Are you okay?’ I asked her.
‘Why are you still being nice to Koike?’ she asked, angrily.
‘What? Why? There isn’t any particular reason why. She is a good friend.’
‘No. She is not. I am your friend. You being nice to her gets on my nerves. I can’t be your friend if you are going to be her friend.’
‘What? Don’t be like this.’
‘You are abandoning me. You are leaving me all alone while you are having a good time with Kikuchi. What have I done to make you treat me like this?’
‘Ema-chan.’
Ema stood up from her chair and stormed off from the classroom. She ignored me and Momo the whole day.
When I was in the girl’s bathroom with Momo, after I looked around, I said, ‘She called me selfish. I am being selfish? I am so tired of being flung about by Ema-chan. It is always about her, her ways and what she wants. What about me?’ I fought back my tears by pursing my lips.
Momo rubbed my arm for comfort.
For a few days, Ema kept ignoring me. When I talked to other classmates, one of the classmates asked, ‘What did you to Ema? She seems very upset with you.’
Being surprised, I replied, ‘What did I do?’
The other classmates said, ‘Poor Ema. You should talk to her.’
I was tired of other classmates asking about Ema and Ema making me look like a bad person in front of everyone. So after school that day, I called her on the phone.
‘What do you want?’ Ema said, coldly.
‘Hi. I just wanted to talk.’
‘What do you wanna talk about?’
‘Well, you’ve been ignoring me.’
‘Yeah, naturally. After how you treated me. I heard from others that you complained about me.’
‘What?’ I broke into a cold sweat.
‘You said, “what about me?” Right? I heard. What did you possibly mean by that?’
‘Well....’
‘You are the one who acted selfishly and left me all alone.’
‘Umm…I don’t think so.’
‘But you did leave me all alone so that you can talk to Koike. I have told you so many times how I feel about her.’ She started to sob.
‘It was not my intention to make you upset.’
‘It makes me feel upset because you are choosing Koike over me.’
‘I am not choosing her over you.’
‘You know how it makes me feel? It makes me feel so low. You are choosing her over me.’
‘No. I am not choosing her over you.’
‘Then, stop being nice to her. Stop talking to her.’
‘I can’t not talk to her.’
‘See? You are not listening to me.’ She sobbed loudly.
‘I am so sorry. I really am for making you upset. But please, Ema-chan. Try to understand.’
‘NO.’ She raised her voice. ‘You should try to understand what you did to me.’
‘I am sorry. What can I do to make things better?’
‘I have told you many times. Stop being Koike’s friend.’
‘Hmmm.’ I really hated Ema for doing this but I could not bear the thought of being treated like a bad person and glared at by other classmates. I also thought they would treat Momo more badly for taking Ema’s friend away from her.
‘If you are gonna be her friend, I will not ever talk to you. EVER.’
‘Hmmm.’
‘Is that okay that I will not ever talk to you? EVER?’
‘No, it is not.’
‘Then, you have to listen to me. That is the only way I will speak to you.’
‘I…will try not to be too friendly with Momo. I will try.’
‘Promise? Don’t betray me.’
‘I will try my best.’
‘Okay.’
From the next day at school, I was under Ema’s surveillance. No more exchange of letters or words other than greetings. When I passed by Momo, I whispered to her, ‘I am so sorry, Momo.’
Momo pursed her lips and whispered back, ‘It’s okay. I understand.’
During the first summer in junior high school, apart from my tennis club activity, I spent my days volunteering to work at an adult daycare centre and a children’s centre to boost my school evaluation. After I finished volunteering, my fellow volunteer worker from another school introduced me to her friend Kumi. We first met when three of us went to karaoke. Kumi looked pretty because she was thin and smaller than me. She had bleached brown hair and pierced ears which usually were the sign of a gangster in junior high school.
‘Hi, I’m Kumi. Nice to meet you. Call me Kumi. I am a year older than you but you can ignore honorifics. Just talk to me casually, okay?’
‘Oh, okay. I will try my best.’ I replied in honorifics, nervously.
In a karaoke box, while our mutual friend was singing, Kumi asked me. ‘Hey, Kaori. Do you have a mobile or a pager?’
‘Um, yes, I do have a pager, actually.’
‘Cool. Do you have many pager-pals?’
‘Um, not really. Not many people have pagers, let alone mobiles.’
‘I guess, goody-two-shoes wouldn’t, huh.’ Kumi laughed.
I laughed awkwardly to fill the air.
‘Then, let me give you pager-pals.’
‘Ummm, you don’t have to.…’
‘It is fun to have pager-pals. You gotta try.’ Kumi started to scroll down contacts on her mobile. ‘Give me a pen and paper.’
I got them out from my bag and handed them over to her.
‘Thank you, thank you.’ She scribbled down on the paper. ‘Here you go. I will first give you Kazu-kun.’
‘Do you…know him?’
‘Kinda. I have met him once because he lives close to me. But he has a girlfriend or something. You’ll find out. He is handsome.’
Gazing at the number and the name Kazu, I pictured what kind of person he could be. If he was someone like Kumi, he would probably have bleached brown hair as well. My thoughts were interrupted by Kumi.
‘Oh, by the way, please don’t tell him that I gave you his number.’
‘Why not?’
‘We ended our friendship when he got a girlfriend.’
I tilted my head in confusion. But I said, ‘Okay.’
There was a pause in our conversation. Suddenly Kumi jumped and said,
‘I’m stupid. I didn’t get your number. Tell me your number for your house phone and the pager.’
‘Umm…okay.’
That night when I was in my room, my mother called out from downstairs.
‘Kaori. You got a call from Matsuda-san.’
I frowned and racked my brain to conjure up an image of Matsuda-san from my memory while I made my way down to get the phone. I asked my mother, ‘You said, “Matsuda-san”, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘Who could that be?’ I took the phone from my mother and answered in suspense. ‘Hello?’
‘Hi, Kaori. It’s me. I had a fun day today.’
I frowned and widened my eyes when the voice hit me. ‘Ah, Kumi-chan. I didn’t know your surname. So I didn’t know who “Matsuda-san” was.’
Kumi laughed. ‘What are you doing now?’
‘I was just doing… nothing in particular. Relaxing.’
‘I see. Did you page Kazu-kun?’
‘No.’
‘Oh, why not?’
‘Hmmm.’
‘You really got to. I wanna find out how he is.’
‘Why don’t you page him yourself?’
‘No. Once we ended our friendship, that’s it. I am not supposed to contact him.’
‘Oh, okay.’
‘But I’m really curious. So come on. Page him.’
‘I will see how it goes.’
Later that night, I was staring at my pager which hardly ever beeped. I was curious how ‘pager-pals’ worked. So I picked up the phone while swallowing my heart which was about to jump out and started to send a message to Kazu.
‘Hello, I am Kaori. Would you like to become my pager-pal?’ I kept my pager close to me and kept looking at the blank screen. Seeing that there was nothing happening, my pounding heart started to resume its ordinary activity.
Next evening, I was in my room sitting at my desk. Then I heard a familiar sound from my bed. I looked up and thought for a moment what it could have been. My pager. It can’t be from Kazu-san. He won’t reply to a stranger to become a pager-pal. He is not that kinda person.
I reached for my pager and looked at the message.
‘Hi, I’m Kazu. Let’s become pager-pals. How old are you?’
Wow, it is from Kazu-san. My heart fluttered with excitement. I dashed downstairs to grab a phone to send him a reply.
‘I am thirteen. What about you, Kazu-san?’ I asked.
‘I am eighteen.’
My eldest brother was also eighteen, studying at a fashion college. I also found out that we lived in neighbouring towns. A few things in common.
A few days after, a message came in. ‘Hello. What are you doing now? From Kazu.’
In excitement, I replied back. ‘I’m not doing anything in particular. What about you, Kazu-san?’
‘What would you say to talking on the phone? If you felt like it, give me a call on my mobile phone.’
I let out a subdued screech. After taking several deep breaths, I dialed his number with care. After the second ring, an assuring male voice answered.
‘Hello?’
‘Hello. Is this Kazu-san?’ I spoke in honorifics.
‘Yes it is.’ He laughed a little. ‘This is Kaori-chan, isn’t it?’
I was embarrassed but ecstatic to be called ‘Kaori-chan’ with the endearment as if I was a little girl being called pretty or cute by adults.
‘I am sorry to have asked you to call me on my mobile. Shall I call you back?’
He sounded like he was a gentle man. His voice was a pleasant alto and could send me to sleep with warmth and comfort. I got clammy hands and a cold sweat.
‘Is it okay to talk now?’ he asked.
‘Yes, no problem. What about you Kazu-san?’
‘I am at a driving school. You know the one near us?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘I am on my break now. I am trying to get a driving license. I already have a motorcycle license since I was sixteen but you know now….’
‘Ah, I understand. You have to be over eighteen to get a driving license.’
‘Indeed. I like your quick thinking.’
We both laughed. His laugh sounded beautiful like a song.
Kazu talked on. ‘So it is so strange to meet people through pagers, isn’t it? Do you often make pager-pals?’
‘No, no. You are actually my first. What about you, Kazu-san?’
‘I haven’t really got many pager-pals before. So when I got your message, I was curious. I actually met my current girlfriend as a pager-pal first.’
‘Oh, wow.’ As Kumi thought, Kazu was taken. ‘Have you been dating her for long?’
‘On and off for several years. She is a nutcase. But I haven’t met anybody like her.’
‘You must really like her then.’
He laughed and said, ‘I guess so. But when she is crazy, she is just out of control. So right now, we are standing on shaky ground. She drives me mad but I just keep apologising until she feels better.’
‘It sounds like my friend Ema-chan and me at school. You must have great patience.’
‘I am not sure but thanks for the compliment. It feels great talking to you. Now that we know we live close, we should meet up someday soon.’
‘Yes. Let’s.’
From that day on, we started to talk on the phone after paging each other in the evening.
‘Good evening. What are you up to?’ Kazu asked.
‘I played tennis as usual for hours. So I am just relaxing now.’
‘Cool. You belong to a tennis club then?’
‘Yes.’
‘That’s cute. You get to wear those skorts, right?’
‘Yes.’ I laughed. ‘Did you belong to any club when you were in school, Kazu-san?’
‘Nah. I was a Yankii belonging to a gang. So I just hung out with other Yankii and paraded around on motorbikes with masks on.
‘Oh, wow. What about high school?’
‘I hated studying and didn’t see the point. So I didn’t get into a good high school. I got into one of the worst high schools in the city. But I had a fight with a teacher and dropped out.’
‘Oh, wow.’
He laughed. ‘Yeah. So study hard, Kaori-chan. I am sure you are a smart girl.’
‘No, no.’ I laughed in humility.
‘You do sound very mature from what I hear though. You are very polite. Your use of language is so proper. You can also form your opinion logically. I can’t believe that you are thirteen.’
I laughed and said, ‘Thank you.’
The next evening, my pager beeped around the same time as the day before.
‘Hello, Kaori-chan. What are you doing now? Can we talk on the phone? From Kazu.’
I dashed downstairs to grab a phone, got back to my room and closed the door behind me. As my norm went, I took deep breaths to suppress a flutter. Rubbing my clammy hands together, I dialed his number with a crescendo of my excitement.
‘Hello!’ Kazu’s voice was cheerful as if he was happy to hear from me.
‘Good evening, Kazu-san. Is it okay to talk now?’
‘YES. How was your day?’
‘Ummm, I am a bit tired from tennis today.’
‘Oh? You don’t sound so cheerful. Tell me. Talk to your big bro.’
We laughed.
‘Well, you remember Ema-chan, don’t you?’
‘Mmhmm. And? And?’
‘We are a pair and I play up front and she plays at the back. Today I kept making mistakes.’
‘There are days like that, you know.’
‘Yes but Ema-chan was furious with me.’
‘Why? Why?’
‘Because I kept making mistakes.’
‘Then she gets angry?’
‘Yes.’
Kazu grunted.
‘When Ema-chan makes mistakes, I keep cheering. Saying “That’s okay.” “Don’t worry.” When she is in a good mood, she says things like that to me, too. But when she is in a bad mood, she becomes quiet and sighs at my mistakes.’
‘That’s not nice.’
‘No. Then, I keep apologising.’
‘I think that gives her more power.’
‘But I don’t know what else to do.’
‘You need to tell her enough is enough.’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘You don’t need to apologise to somebody like that. Especially if she is your friend, she shouldn’t treat you like that.’
‘Hmmm.’ I swallowed a lump in my throat.
‘Do you want your big bro to talk to Ema-chan?’ he said with laughter.
I laughed with tears rolling down my cheeks. ‘Thank you. But it’s fine.’
‘Let me know. Because I will do that for you.’
‘Thank you so much.’
‘I can’t wait to meet you. We have to meet up soon. When shall we meet up?’
‘Anytime.’
‘I work for my father during the day and I often have lessons at the driving school in the evening. And I am sure, now that schools have started, you must be busy with school and your club on weekday.’
‘Not in the evening.’
‘Well, how about Saturday night, say at nine?’
‘It sounds great.’
‘You don’t have a curfew or anything? Your parents won’t worry you going out at night?’
‘It is fine.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘I am sure. I can tell them that I am meeting a friend down the road.’
‘Oh, okay. Alright, then. I wonder where it will be good to meet. Somewhere close to you but somewhere I remember in your area. Ah! You know the big shopping mall, right?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘Do you know the tiny corner shop with a red roof across from the shopping mall?’
‘Yes I do.’
‘Oh, great. I have been there when I was in junior high school. It is quite close to you, huh?’
‘Yes, it is.’
‘Alright. In front of the corner shop at nine, is that okay with you?’
‘It is great.’
‘I will be coming on my bike. See you then.’
‘Yes, I will see you then.’
The Saturday night, I wore clothes that I bought earlier that day, a yellow hooded T-shirt with a Bambi on and a pleated denim mini-skirt, and sandals with 4 inch heels. I arrived early at the corner shop with the red roof. The shop was already closed for the day. Because buses were still running at the time, there were people coming off the buses and a few getting on. In front of me, there were just a main road with cars hurrying by and people every once in a while to use the vending machines in front of the shop for drinks and cigarettes. Every time I heard a bike’s approach, I followed them with my eyes, seeing them off. It was just me standing still and waiting. Then I felt my pager vibrate. There was a message.
‘I am on my way now. From Kazu.’
My heart started to beat faster. I needed to pace up and down to distract myself. Kazu was coming. Within ten minutes, a bike was approaching with a diminishing sound of an engine and it stopped. I slowly made my way over. A tall young man in a white T-shirt got off the bike and secured the bike on the side of the road. He looked up and said, ‘Kaori-chan?’
‘Kazu-san?’
‘Yes. Nice to meet you.’ He bowed lightly.
‘Nice to meet you.’ I also bowed.
Although it was dark, his fairness was dazzling to me. He smelt of fragrant shampoo. He looked beautiful with his big round eyes and a tall nose like a Westerner and his brown hair flowing down to his shoulders. My smile on my face froze and did not go away. We walked to a nearby park and sat on a bench.
‘Is it okay if I smoke?’ Kazu asked.
‘Yes. Please go ahead.’
‘You don’t smoke, do you?’ Kazu took out a packet of Mild Seven.
‘No.’ I said, laughing. ‘My granddad used to smoke Mild Seven too. He told me that smoking was good for health.’
Kazu laughed, puffing out smoke. ‘Smoking isn’t good for your health.’
‘Really? My granddad told me that it was. He was a P.E. teacher. So he should know what he is talking about.’
Kazu laughed and said, ‘Well, I guess in a way, smoking can be good for you because it relaxes you. But it is not good for your body.’
‘Oh.’ I felt like I was cheated by my granddad.
‘I’ve been smoking since I was your age and I can’t stop now. So it is good for you not to smoke.’
I laughed and said, ‘Okay.’
He asked me about Ema. ‘So is everything okay with Ema-chan now? She is not giving you a hard time after that?’
‘It is okay for now.’
‘You can tell me anytime, okay? I can come and yell at her for you.’
I nervously laughed and said, ‘Thank you. I’m okay for now.’
For an hour, we talked about my school days, our schools and my brothers and we parted ways after promising we would meet again soon.
After the first meeting, our ritual still continued. We talked on the phone almost every day.
One night, we were talking close to midnight.
Kazu asked, ‘So you don’t have anybody you fancy?’
I wanted to say that I started to like him. I wanted to find somebody like him. I replied, ‘No, no. There was somebody I met at a child’s centre when I was working as a volunteer during last summer. But my friend’s friend….’ I almost said the name ‘Kumi’. ‘She… slept with him after I told her that I liked him.’
‘What? Do you want me to punch her?’
I laughed through my nose and said, ‘No. No. It’s okay. He wanted to have sex with me and I didn’t want to and I think he already has a girlfriend.’
‘That’s messed up. How old is he?’
‘He is sixteen.’
‘Do you want me to sort him out?’
I laughed and said, ‘No. No. It’s okay.’
‘There are so many assholes out there. You gotta watch out.’
‘Yes. I will.’
‘So, you have never had… you know…sex with anyone?’
‘Nm no.’ I started to bite my nails.
‘Are you not curious?’
‘Ah…yes?’
‘I guess it is too early for you.’
I responded with a laugh.
Kazu and I started to meet once a week in the park near my house usually in the dark. Ema and I still talked on the phone in the evening just to gossip even though we met each other at school. Ema’s brother was a forward person and sometimes he came on the phone and persistently asked me out. So I needed to tell Ema that there was somebody I had already liked just to keep her entertained with a taste of gossip. ‘I have met someone as a pager-pal at first. We met up. But he has a girlfriend. But I still like him.’ I didn’t tell her the details. I wanted what Kazu and I had as mine.
One evening when Kazu and I were in the park talking, my neighbor friend passed by.
‘Oh that was my friend, Mitchan,’ I said to Kazu.
‘Oh like the children’s song. Do you know that the lyrics of the song talk about abduction?’
‘What?’
‘Yeah. Not everybody knows that. It is said that a road sign for pedestrians, you know the blue one with an adult holding the hand of a child?’
‘Yes?’
‘That the song became the model of the sign and the man is taking the child away.’
‘No.’
‘Yeah.’
‘No.’
‘The child looks like she wants to run away.’
‘That doesn’t make sense.’
‘Oh, you don’t trust me.’
‘Hmmm.’
‘Alright, then. I will prove it to you. Do you know whether there is the road sign near here?’
‘Yes, I do. Just behind my primary school up the hill.’
‘Alright. Let’s go.’
‘Now?’
‘Yes. Hop on my bike behind me.’
‘Ah…are you sure?’
‘Yes. Police hardly patrols around here. It should be fine. Come on.’ He stood next to the bike and secured it for me. ‘Come closer. Now, you sit first and slide back.’
‘I’m gonna sit now.’ He sat down in front me.
My heart started to beat fast.
‘Now hold on to me.’
I rested the tips of my fingers on his waist. He took both of my hands with his hands and placed mine one over the other on his stomach.
‘There. Now are you comfortable?’
My face and my body were pushed against his back. I feared he might notice my heart pounding. ‘Yeah, yes.’
‘Alright. Here we go.’ He started the engine and started to drive.
Although my body was locked onto him with my arms, I felt like my soul was soaring, making me faint in ecstasy.
In a few minutes, we arrived at the road sign. He put his foot down on the ground to balance and stopped the engine. We looked over to the sign.
‘See?’ Kazu said, turning his head to me.
As he argued, the child in the road sign did look like she was being pulled away against her will.
‘Wow. It is true then.’
‘Now you trust me, huh?’ He patted my hand on his stomach and left it there. ‘Oh, your hands are cold.’ He placed the other hand on top.
I pressed my face against his back and said nothing. After a moment, he said, ‘Shall we go back?’
‘Yes.’ I said with a fake smile.
The ritual only lasted for a few months until he stopped messaging me.
After a few days of silence, I messaged him. ‘Kazu-san, how are you?’
No response.
In a few more days, another message. ‘Kazu-san, are you alright?’
But nothing. I waited for weeks. One day when I was in a shop, I saw the shampoo that Kazu was using and I bought it. Every time I washed my hair, I was embraced in the aroma of Kazu and I missed him more. After I waited for a month, I finally decided to call him. His phone rang for a long while and I thought it would go to voicemail. Then.
‘Hello?’ Kazu whispered with a low voice.
‘Oh… Kazu-san…Kaori here.’
There was a pause. So I continued. ‘Um…I haven’t heard from you for a while so I became worried. So I wanted to call to see….’
Kazu whispered. ‘I can’t talk now.’
I had never heard him being so cold. It sounded like he was in a closed-off area like a toilet. ‘Where are you now?’
‘Somewhere far.’ He replied. ‘I’m sorry. I gotta go.’ He hung up.
I felt like I was punched in my chest. But my body was in trance, unable to process what had happened. After staring at the air for a while, I gave in to ebullition bursting out from the inside. Since then, whenever I checked my pager for messages, I stalled, ruminating over what Kazu said on the phone and my past actions. I sometimes read the old messages from Kazu just to feel his presence.
One afternoon in November when I was at my maternal grandparents’ house, I got a message.
‘Hello. I am Kazu. Would you like to be my pager-pal?’
I frowned, thinking why Kazu would message me like that. I shouted out to my grandmother, ‘Grandma, I am gonna borrow your phone for a bit.’ I sent him a message, using a dial telephone. ‘Is that you, Kazu-san?’
A reply came back quickly. ‘Call me.’ There was a new mobile number.
I thought to myself. Kazu might have lost his old phone. But why would he ask me to be his pager-pal again? I dialed the number.
‘Hello?’ A man answered. It was not Kazu’s voice.
‘Is this Kazu-san?’
It sounded like he was driving with a bad signal. ‘Yes. Who is this?’
‘Ah, I’m Kaori. You just messaged me on my pager.’
‘Ah, right. Where are you?’
He was actually driving near me.
‘Why don’t we meet at the station?’ He asked.
It didn’t sound like Kazu but I wanted to make sure. So I said, ‘Ummm, okay.’ He told me to look for a white Toyota car and I described my punkish look with a bright pink top with holes.
‘Mum, Grandma, I am gonna pop out. I will find my way home.’
My grandma said, ‘Kaori-chan, you shouldn’t meet up with a stranger.’
‘No, no. It is not a stranger. I know him. He is a friend of mine who happens to be nearby.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes. Don’t worry. I will be careful.’
I left my grandparents’ house and headed to the bus terminal of the station as requested. Within ten minutes, a white Toyota car pulled up and a man opened a door for me. I got into the car without hesitation. When I looked up, it was not Kazu but a stranger in his late twenties in a tracksuit with acne scars on his cheeks and unstoppable hiccups. He started driving.
He said, ‘How old are you?’
‘I am thirteen.’
‘You sounded a bit more mature on the phone. So you have never done “it”, have you?’
I frowned and said, ‘No….’
‘Naturally. I wish you were a little older.’
I jumped up with his hiccups. My eyes swum around inside of the car looking for some kind of salvation. ‘Ummm, I’m sorry. I thought you were someone I knew, maybe playing a joke on me.’
He laughed. ‘His name is also Kazu then?’
‘Yes.’
‘But you know him, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then, why would he ask you to be his pager-pal?’
‘I’m not sure. It’s just I haven’t heard from him for a while. So….’
Every time he hiccupped, I moved closer to the window away from him.
‘Well, you are not really somebody I was looking for either. So if it is okay, I will drop you off back at the station. Is that okay?’
‘Yes. Please.’
He dropped me off after driving around a block.
Even after that, every evening I waited for my pager to beep. What changed in me was that I started to pray with my hands crossed. Please let Kazu-san be safe. Please bring him back to me even if he still has a girlfriend. I just want to know that he is okay. Please. Please. There were nights when I wept myself to sleep.
At Christmas, streets were filled with couples hand in hand against the most romantic backdrop of the year, Christmas trees with lights that would warmly shine in the dark. I longed for Kazu. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to be with him.
In the New Year, with the New Year’s gift money, I bought myself a mobile phone. I thought of it as an excuse to send Kazu a message.
‘Hello, Kazu-san. I bought a mobile. Here is my number.’
But there was no reply.
In January, close to the end with Valentine’s Day approaching, everybody in my school was talking about whom they would give their handmade chocolate to and confess their feelings to. I wish I could have given it to Kazu even if it was treated as an obligatory chocolate that girls would give to their friends, brothers and fathers. The thought of Kazu made me tormented.
One night, while I was crying, I felt angry at myself who just wept for days and didn’t do anything about it. So I picked up a phone and called Kazu. His number may not work anymore. He may hang up. Then it went into voicemail.
‘Ummm, Kazu-san, this is Kaori. I am so sorry for calling you. I…have been wondering whether you are alright and I…just wanted to know if you are alright….’ Tears started to race down my cheeks. ‘I know that it is not appropriate to say this but I feel like I had to so that I can move on…. Ah… since the day I met you, I kept thinking about you and even now I can’t stop thinking about you. I know it is silly. But I like you very much.’ I took a deep breath. ‘I’m not sure whether you would be able to listen to this but I just wanted to say that. Okay… well, please take care. Good-bye.’

With the arrival of spring, the second year of junior high school started. On the first day of the new year at school, there was one thing I wanted. Ema and me in different classes. I received a paper listing which class I belonged to and who my new classmates were. I closed my eyes and prayed. I opened my eyes and looked for my name and hopefully her name not after me. Thankfully it was somebody else. I said to Ema, ‘Ah, we are not gonna be in the same class this year. A shame.’ I was dancing inside. I felt like I had won a battle.
Ema said, ‘I’m annoyed now. Who’s gonna fetch my stuff for me now?’ She laughed.
I was so relieved. She was not my problem anymore. I was so happy that I was free from Ema that I kept introducing myself to new classmates. With a beaming smile on my face, I said, ‘Hi, nice to meet you. I am Kaori Maeda. What is your name?’
Among the new classmates, there was a girl called Mayu, a.k.a the Rebel.
In the first year, she was in the classroom next door. One day during a class, we heard her screaming ‘Get off me, pervert!’ and storming out of her class with her teacher chasing after her.
When I saw her in class 2-2, she had her hair brown with pierced ears. There was nobody else who had pierced ears in our year. I was afraid of Mayu. She was not smiley and usually staring at the air if she wasn’t touching her fringe to hide her plucked eyebrows.
In the first week during cleaning time, I needed to talk to Mayu, who was checking her hair in the mirror at her desk, because I wanted to move it to sweep the floor.
‘Hi, sorry to disturb you. Is it okay if I moved your desk to sweep?’ I asked.
‘Sure.’
‘I like your earrings by the way. They are so cool. I want mine done someday.’
‘Thanks.’ I saw her smile for the first time.
‘Did it hurt?’
‘A little when the needle goes through but it only takes a second. I can do it for you anytime.’
‘Oh, really? I will think about it.’
I went back home from school that day and asked my mother. ‘Mum, can I get my ears pierced?’
‘No. Please don’t. You know it is against the rules of the school. Please don’t make holes in your precious body. Your body is a gift from God. Please don’t do any harm to it.’ My mother pleaded.
Another day, I went up to Mayu. ‘Hi, Mayu-chan. So I would like to get my ears pierced. What should I do?’
‘Great. We just need piercers from a shop. Let’s go buy them after school.’
So after school, Mayu and I bought piercers and went to my house. As Mayu instructed, I brought antiseptic to my room.
‘I’m ready.’ I said to Mayu. My heart was beating fast with excitement.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes.’
‘Okay. Mark with a pen where you want to pierce on your ears.’
‘Alright.’ I picked up a pen and stood in front of a mirror.
‘About here… and here.’ I drew dots. ‘Good to go.’
‘Sure?’
‘Yes.’
Mayu picked up a piercer and sat behind me. Placing the piercer behind my ear, she said, ‘Nope. I can’t do this.’
‘What?’
‘I’m too scared to do it.’
‘Why? You have pierced your ears.’
‘Yes but I had somebody else do it for me. I didn’t pierce them. I can’t do it.’
‘Fair enough. Ah… can I do it myself?’
‘No, it might be crooked if you did it yourself.’
‘Hmmm. Ah! My older brother is downstairs. He has his ears pierced. I will ask him.’ I went downstairs to ask him.
‘Hey, are you busy?’
‘No. What’s up?’
‘I am having my ears pierced with piercers and I have my friend in my room. But she is too scared to do it. Will you pierce my ears?’
‘Ah, sure. Have you talked about this to mum?’
‘Hmmm, kinda. But I am doing it anyway. I can do it myself but my friend told me that I shouldn’t do it myself. So….’
‘You shouldn’t do it yourself, no. Alright, I will come help you.’
My older brother followed me to my room and said hi to Mayu.
‘Here are the piercers.’ I handed them over to my brother. ‘Just pierce my ears where the dots are.’ I stood in front of the mirror and waited for my brother.
‘Are you ready?’
My heart was beating like the drumroll. ‘Yes.’
‘Sure?’
‘Yes. Do it.’
‘One…two…three.’ My brother pulled the trigger.
Click. I felt a pain like a thick rubber band was pulled and released at my ear.
‘Are you okay?’ my brother asked.
‘Yep.’ I turned my head to look at the piercing closer.
‘Is it alright?’
‘Yep.’
‘The other one?’
‘Yep. Do it.’ I composed my poise again and looked into the mirror.
‘Ready?’
‘Yep.’
‘One…two…three.’
Click. The sharp pain, again. Now the tips of both ears were throbbing with pain. I bent down to have a closer look in the mirror. When I turned around to look at my brother and Mayu, I had a triumphant smile on my face.
My brother asked, ‘Are you alright?’
I said, ‘Yep. Thank you so much.’
Mayu asked, ‘do you feel pain?’
‘A little but I can handle it.’
Mayu said, ‘I admire you. When I had my ears pierced, I was so scared that I was screaming. But you just stood there so still.’
I laughed. ‘Thanks.’
The next day I went to school with loose pigtails to hide my earrings. Although I showed them off to my classmates, I could not wait to show them to Ema at tennis.
At tennis, I didn’t see Ema at first. When she joined us, I was standing in front of a group of new members, giving an instruction. When I sent the group to practice, Ema came up to me, staring at my ear.
‘Kao-chan.’ She lifted the loose side of my hair to see my ear. ‘No way. You didn’t.’
I had the triumphant smile. ‘Yes, I did.’
‘No way.’ Ema was checking the other side of my ear. ‘NOOOO WAY! HOW COULD YOU? Don’t you remember what I said about piercing?’
‘Yes I do.’ My smile stayed.
‘You are a punk now. You cannot be my friend any longer. How disappointing. I thought you were better than that.’
I just said, ‘Yep’ with a grin.
One evening when I was in my room, sitting at my desk, I heard a familiar noise from my bed. I looked up and raised my eyebrow. What is that? I walked over to my bed and noticed my pager flushing. Bracing myself for another disappointment, I picked it up and read the message.
‘Call me. From Kazu.’
I had to read it over and over until I realised that it was the message I’d been waiting for for a long time. I gasped in disbelief. My hands started to tremble. Fighting back a surge of emotions, I grabbed a phone and called him.
On the second ring, ‘Hello?’ The gentle voice answered.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I placed my hand on my chest and said, ‘Kazu-san.’
‘Yes…Kaori-chan, I’m sorry.’ His voice was weak.
‘About?’
‘Sorry to have left you like this for long.’ He let out a long sigh.
‘It’s okay, Kazu-san. Now I know you are alright.’ I started to weep.
He sniffled. ‘You know, around the end of January, you left a message for me on voicemail.’
‘Yes.’
‘I received it. Thank you so much for the message.’
‘No need. I am sorry I was selfish to do such a thing.’
‘No. I was so happy to hear that. I felt like I had to give you a response if it is not too late.’
‘No, it is not.’
‘You may not like me when I tell you what I am about to tell you.’
‘I doubt it.’ I snorted.
‘But you can decide after I tell you what happened.’
‘Okay. I will listen.’
He took a deep breath. ‘Things got better for me and my girlfriend. And we got engaged.’
I almost had a heart attack.
‘So we eloped and started working for a Pachinko company and living in an accommodation provided by them. Last year when you called, I was on my break and answered the phone. But my girlfriend was near me so I had to hang up. She is an extremely jealous person. If she found out that I was talking to another girl, she would have killed me. I have seen what she is capable of. As I told you before, she is a really difficult person to deal with. She thinks what I have is hers including money. That is fine if she tells me things. But she doesn’t and she takes money from my wallet without telling me. She always does it. When I asked about it, she was in a bad mood, she threw stuff at me and started to punch me.’
‘That’s not nice,’ I said, softly.
‘I know. But then one day when she was in a bad mood, she was throwing stuff at me and punching me. I tried to calm her down but she didn’t stop and she grabbed a glass ashtray and she was about to hit me with it. So….’ He started to sob. ‘I hit her.’
I froze. ‘What?’
‘I did the worst thing anybody could do. I know. I am regretting every single day why on earth I did such a stupid thing. I will regret it for the rest of my life.’ He sobbed.
‘Well…you were trying to protect yourself.’
‘I know it is not an excuse because I am a man who is naturally stronger than her. She ran away to her parents’ house. I went there. But her mother came out and banned me from contacting her. She said she called the police for assaulting her. I packed my stuff and came back here where there is nothing for me. Then a thought of you crossed my mind. I had thought about you even when I was away. How kind and cheerful you were.’
‘Thank you.’ My face crumpled.
‘When I thought of what you said to me in the message, I felt like maybe there might be a hope even for a rotten hopeless person like me.’ He sniffled.
‘You are not anything like that.’
‘Would you even consider having me back in your life?’
‘Yes, I would.’
‘Even when I am dirt on the ground?’
‘Yes.’
‘Thank you.’ He sobbed. ‘You really are a kind girl. Thank you.’

Creativity Pot

11/13/2013

My lighthouse

11/11/2013

Tomomi - the lost samurai

Grand-dad

8/08/2013

Your words

4/19/2013

The Kiss

Falling for you

January 17th, 1995 (Remastered)

2/07/2013

Wishbone

Storyboard of London

1/08/2013

Memoirs of an Innocent Punk